i've recently been

finding myself saying things like:

"hi, one for two days in paris please."

"hello, just a table for one please."

"oh yeah, no, you can take it, no one's sitting there."

"okay, maybe i'll come meet you later."

"yeah, i went by myself, it was good."

so much alone time lately. but it really has been good. i have this charging thing that happens when i'm away or isolated, like i'm a battery that can go and can maybe be ready to socialize adequately at some point throughout the day. and yet other times not charged nearly enough. like all the time in the world couldn't buy me some energy. just a bunny i am! i do think i think about it too much though. how do i get around that? to concentrate on not thinking about how you're thinking too much. if all goes according to planned, i'll be moving to nyc in jan. feeling good about it. scared though. leaving everything to just go. and then not really having a choice to be alone or not. just jumping. i'm so tired. i get cheesy when i'm tired. so lethargic. i quit my job yesterday. what am i thinking?! roller coaster. i just want to do music. and be satisfied in doing so. i'm never satisfied. fuck dat shit.