i guess i'm kinda lost in space...
i've been going through a very strange and unfamiliar phase lately, perhaps for the last month or so. i don't seem to care about much of anything. i've come to the realisation only recently that i spend a lot of time trying to please people in lots of different little ways, and for some reason i just haven't brought myself to care anymore. i'm tired of being stressed and anxious about what people think of me, as if to uphold some bullshit reputation, ...it can easily and quickly eat up one's life. everyone is human. i'm not talking about not caring for people or not having people's best interests at heart... kindness and loving people wins. i guess i'm just learning more and more to not be completely paranoid and so self aware. does the quest for finding your most honest self ever end? i've been trying for years... so depressing, and quite annoying...
i hate being this cheesy. if i were reading this on someone else's blog i would think they were completely cheesy. it's just heavy on me right now. i'm also questioning things in christianity a lot, which may be a good thing in the long run, or just plain bad. i haven't sorted it out yet. i just want to do what i want to do, and not care. i'm over a lot of things.
ANYWAY, london truly is incredible. tim and i both feel like i just live here now. it doesn't feel like any sort of break or vacation, just normal, like i should be here, perhaps even belong here. we've had big nights out lately. emily is currently in paris on business. she might have sold a design to a company that might distribute her designs on handbags in france. so cool. my sort of lack of time/funds has kept me from going down there with her for a couple days. next time with friends from california will be perfect. scotland, on the other hand, was fun. crazy. random, and maybe even a bit lonely, but fun nonetheless. today is extremely chill. tim is at college. camilla is at work. i took a bath. it was honestly one of the best, most relaxing things i've done since i've been here. i think i may watch a film now and just take it easy with some tetley. i've managed to order a film called "girl on the bridge". it came in a couple days ago. i couldn't find it anywhere in the bay area. i even swam and went looking at the bottom of the bay, couldn't find it. camilla really likes vetiver. weird that they're not even huge in san francisco and yet there's a buzz about them over here. the internet is mad crazy yo. neat. okay, this was too long. thanks for reading.
love.
p.s. listen to a song called, "la la" by cortney tidwell
also, "world war 24" by ryan adams is simply amazing, along with most of his stuff.
i hate being this cheesy. if i were reading this on someone else's blog i would think they were completely cheesy. it's just heavy on me right now. i'm also questioning things in christianity a lot, which may be a good thing in the long run, or just plain bad. i haven't sorted it out yet. i just want to do what i want to do, and not care. i'm over a lot of things.
ANYWAY, london truly is incredible. tim and i both feel like i just live here now. it doesn't feel like any sort of break or vacation, just normal, like i should be here, perhaps even belong here. we've had big nights out lately. emily is currently in paris on business. she might have sold a design to a company that might distribute her designs on handbags in france. so cool. my sort of lack of time/funds has kept me from going down there with her for a couple days. next time with friends from california will be perfect. scotland, on the other hand, was fun. crazy. random, and maybe even a bit lonely, but fun nonetheless. today is extremely chill. tim is at college. camilla is at work. i took a bath. it was honestly one of the best, most relaxing things i've done since i've been here. i think i may watch a film now and just take it easy with some tetley. i've managed to order a film called "girl on the bridge". it came in a couple days ago. i couldn't find it anywhere in the bay area. i even swam and went looking at the bottom of the bay, couldn't find it. camilla really likes vetiver. weird that they're not even huge in san francisco and yet there's a buzz about them over here. the internet is mad crazy yo. neat. okay, this was too long. thanks for reading.
love.
p.s. listen to a song called, "la la" by cortney tidwell
also, "world war 24" by ryan adams is simply amazing, along with most of his stuff.
posted by Jesse at 4:20 AM
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